On Having Five Kids

I don't think I fully realize just how crazy our life is with five little kids until I see it through others' eyes. Running errands with five girls hanging off of me, or delivering Megan to school everyday with our small entourage can be an exercise in avoiding eye contact, all the while listening to whispers of, "That's the lady (just when did I become a lady?) with the five girls," or the more audible and still popular, "Are they all yours?!"

Meaning well, most people ask just how chaotic our life is. These people usually have two children, and can't imagine adding to their already full plate. I can relate to that. After all, we did have two kids at one point, and I thought our life was crazy then. But, as I typically respond, we have just slowly become used to more and more chaos. I guess we've adjusted to our surroundings ;)  I'm not sure when five kids became such a huge number -- I never thought it was before having five kids myself --  but I'm definitely made to feel that way most anywhere we go.  In response, I feel an added pressure to exude calm and cool at all times, and to give having five kids a good rep.  This is especially true when anyone is going to be spending any time with us or observing us in our little house, doing what we do. I'm very aware that we have more kids than most people do, but I want to prove that we're still very normal.

My need to justify this five kid thing extends to our little playdate guests as well. In anticipation of one of Bridget's little preschool classmates coming over to our house, I actually spent an extra 20 minutes that morning tidying up the house...yep, I'm officially ridiculous for needing to impress a 4-year-old!  Who knows what she would have gone home saying had I not cleaned up?  I did not want details of a messy house getting back to her mom!  Well, as it happened, I'm glad I tidied up.  After we'd picked up Bridget and her friend from preschool that afternoon, and before we'd even pulled in to the driveway, this little playdate announced that she wanted a tour of the house.  "I'm BIG on tours," she added as we walked in the front door.  The tour didn't take long, I can assure you.  Everything seemed to pass inspection, as we have two rooms entirely dedicated to little girls.  As always, the big girls' bunk beds were a huge hit. But, the bigger hit was our very modest backyard.  "This is AWESOME!" she yelled as we all paraded through our master bedroom and out the back door.  It doesn't take much to impress the 4 and under set. A hot tub is a good start, though.  Everything was going swimmingly so far.  I envisioned our little friend returning to her home and declaring that our house was the coolest, everyone was laughing and smiling the entire time, and Bridget's mommy was incredible!

I think everything started spiraling downhill about ten minutes after I had that thought.  While I was plating out our gourmet lunch of chicken nuggets, french fries and strawberries, Tessa was complaining about an "owwie" and Mary was crying for food in her high chair.  It was a little loud.  Our observer looked from one end of the table to the other, lifted one eyebrow at me and asked, "Is it always like this?" 

She got me.  The facade cracked, and she saw that things are, indeed, a little crazy here.  I told her it wasn't always like that, which was true.  For every moment of true chaos, there are just as many other moments where I have to count the girls, and make sure they're all really there, because they're being so quiet and good.  And, for every bad day, there is another beautiful one, when having five kids makes it even better.  

To our playdate friend, and anyone else who wonders what it's like to have five kids, here are a few glimpses:

• The girls are never at a loss for playmates. If they tire of or are bickering with one sister (shocking, I know!), there are others to choose from ;) And, there are always enough kids to play tag, hide-and-seek, Ring Around the Rosie, soccer in the backyard, Mr. Fox, Duck Duck Goose, or any other game Megan picks up at school. She'll often round up the girls and announce that she has learned a new game. Without fail, she has three eager participants and one excited fan in Mary.  Yes, our girls do have many playdates with other kids, but I look at playdates as a way to build those particular friendships, not as a way to occupy the girls or keep them busy.  We have enough busy around here on our own.
• Most meals around here are a big production, with little reprieve from the daily exercise of meal prep/meal/clean-up times three.  Eating out is rarely an option, financially and emotionally.  But, we can catch a little break from our routine every now and then.  There are times that we can get away with this counting as lunch.  No plates to worry about, and out to a picnic blanket in the backyard we go. The girls attack the platter and eat like someone's going to beat them to it. Everyone eats better than usual, and Mommy has minimal clean-up --- a win-win!

• I know this is specifically a five girls thing, but I love the fact that clothes and toys get passed down and actually worn and used more than one child ever would. I can count on one hand the number of things we've actually purchased for Mary. It's so much more fun to dress her in an outfit from the mid-2000's (gasp!) and recall when and where each of her sisters wore the same thing!
• Another five girls thing --- girl hair times five.  Need I say more? Shampoo. Conditioner. Blow-drying if they're extra lucky.  Curlers if they're luckier still.  And, of course, doing their hair, assuming we want the girls to look presentable.  Five boys would be a lot easier in this regard.
• Laundry is no joke here.  Two loads a day is the minimum that must be done to keep us from being buried by dirty clothes.  If I skip a day, it's four loads the next day.  I'm breaking into a sweat just thinking about that.  And, I'm listening to the washer and dryer right now as I type.
• On the best of days, when the stars are aligned and the moon is positioned just so, we can marvel at a distance as they all play nicely together, absorbed as they are in their own little world. A few nights ago, Bridget was the cat lady, and the other three girls were her cats. They had each created a little cat bed and the floor of one bedroom was covered with blankets and books serving as cat food bowls. They were so immersed in this game, and they were playing so well for so long! It was a shame to disrupt it for bedtime.  Do two kids play like this together?  I'm sure they do.  But, a cat lady needs more than just one cat, don't you know? ;)
• There are enough kids to put on a show, anytime they feel the urge.  The planning of the show always occupies a good hour, and Matt, Mary and I are the happy audience to our little troop of performers.
• On a recent trip to the park down the street, the girls decided to have races. Now, I know you can do that with one sibling, but, c'mon, it's way more fun with more kids! These stripes on the concrete were perfect for their racing lanes. (It's a blurry cell phone picture, but each girl happens to be posed in a way that is just so...them. Megan is poised and ready to run, Bridget is posing for some odd reason, Annie is not even ready to run at all - she's just being silly, and Tessa is pointing out that there are people not following the rules.)

And, go!

Obviously, I'm not trying to convince everyone to have more kids.  For every awesome benefit to our larger-than-average family, there are definitely as many drawbacks, if not more. We are more tired, more stressed, and have less time for ourselves and each other.  I worry every day that the girls are getting enough of our attention, individually, and how they'll feel about our family size when they're grown.  Will they each love the fact that they're one of five girls?  Or will it be such a scarring experience that they'll write off having kids completely?  Yes, I'm probably overthinking this.

Sometimes, I just sit back in disbelief that we have these five beautiful, healthy kids. I have to pinch myself, count heads and remind myself that yes, we are in charge of all five of them. Photographic evidence helps tremendously, when we can get all five to sit still long enough. Often, a photo will be blurry because of my uncooperative camera, but I can't bring myself to delete it. It's perfectly blurry and and too cute to delete forever:

Other times, some kids are looking and smiling, and others aren't. But still, each shot is perfect in it's own way:

(yep. that's all five in the tub at once...we're green like that)

I'm not sure whether these pictures help or hinder my case in explaining that our normal is not so bad.  Does it still look crazy?  Oh well, I tried.  I'll try to stop worrying about what other people think, and I'll just be busy here enjoying what we have.  Having five kids is not for everyone, but it's perfectly and beautifully normal for us!